"Put Your Left Foot In"

There are carbon footprints. There are footprints in the sand. There are footprints in history. And there was the footprint that appeared in the middle of Bert's garden. It was a large footprint, about twenty three inches long, and it went into Bert's lawn quite deeply. It was a standard looking human right footprint, just a little larger than usual. At first Bert thought it was a prank, a not very nice one, Bert loved his lawn, but a prank never the less. He complained to anyone who would listen, filled the indentation with top soil, and re-seeded it there and then. Next morning there was another footprint in the lawn, about thirty inches from the first. This time it was a left footprint. Bert was cross. He called the police to report the outrage. A curious policeman, who was in the area anyway, popped in to take a look. A dog handler was called to see if the dog could find a trail to follow. But all the dog did was wander round the lawn, and then start to dig out the top soil from the first footprint.
By the end of the week the line of footprints had left Bert's garden far behind, and having crossed the lawns of Miss Golightly and then Mr Sage, had travelled via the grass verges of Wayward Rise and Aisleby Avenue, to arrive at the grass beside the Town Hall. There was fear amongst the elected councillors, who were concerned that the invisible giant making the footprints might be a annoyed resident.
Several weeks past and nothing more happened. Then one day a young rocket scientist (grandson of a learned proffesor) came to town. He thought he could explain the phenomina. It was he said the urban equivalent of crop circles. After all it wasn't possible to make crop circles where there are no crops.
The following morning the footprints began to appear again, only now they were heading in the other direction. Back along the grass verges of Aisleby Avenue and Wayward Rise, through the gardens of Mr Sage and then Miss Golightly, one per night. It was Tuesday when the next footprint was due to appear, on Bert's lawn. Bert was not standing for it. No, Bert was sitting in a chair beside the fence waiting.
Ten seconds past mid-night a shape appeared out of the sky. It was a foot shaped craft, piloted by a three inch indivdual, who resembled a frog in a traffic warden's outfit. Bert lept up and cried out "Oi, that's my lawn". "Sorry old chap" replied the pilot "only be a jiffy. Just want some soil samples." "What for" Bert demanded. "The jolly old high command want to make sure that this planet could support intelligent life." the pilot informed Bert. "But" Bert asked, bemused "how will taking a lot of samples tell your people if this planet can support intelligent life?" "If you were intelligent,old chap, you would know" replied the pilot, "The answer lies in the soil!"
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Anyone who is not of a certain age will not understand the ending of the above, so if you did..............

"The Day The Earth Sang"

It was ine if those July days when it didn't seem as if the rain would ever stop. Maisie was walking to the shops,with the rain trickling down her neck, despite the waterproof jacket that she was wearing.She was tired and generaly fed up, all she needed was a loaf of bread, but to buy that she had to walk a mile each way.
The trees swayed in the stiff breeze, sending cascades of water droplets down from their branches. Maises dog, Bognor, squelched happily along in the mud beside the path, and then on the scent of something, he bounded off across the grass. Maisie called for him to come back , but he was too busy sniffing around a gorse bush. "Oh. bogger Bugner!" Maisie said aloud, as she plodded over to see what the wayward mutt had found.
To her suprise when she looked into the gorse bush Maisie found a shiney blue and silver ball, about the size of a tennis ball. She picked it up and opened it, without any thought as to what might happen. A beautiful single musical note emitted from the open ball. Maisie felt as if the world was a perfect place, beside her Bognor sat and gazed into the distance. Maisie snapped the ball shut, and the note was no more. Once again the rain was falling. Bognor scratched his fleas, and then shook himself, sending water all over Maisie.
Maisie took her discovery to the local paper, whose story attracted media attention from all around the world. As no-one could know to whom the ball belonged there was much speculation as to wether Maisie should decide what should happen to it. Governments argued, business men offered ever increasing sums of money, the people of the world looked on with varying amounts of interest. It had quickly been discovered that the ball once open emitted it's musical note for forty two seconds, and that the note could be heard up to thirty meters from the ball. Each living creature seemed to entranced for the notes' duration.
One day a very elderly learned proffessor announced that after careful thought, and a few naps to sleep on his idea, he was suggesting that the musical note be amplified through radio equipement. The note could then be heard by nearly everyone on the planet at the same time.
At the appointed time worldwide people tuned in. As the note sounded the world was, for forty two seconds, a place of harmony and peace. When the note stopped it was discovered that the ball that was now shut could not be opened again.
Millions of miles away across the Galaxy the note could be heard faintly as the Earth sang. The Jupiterians immediatly launched a spaceship to journey to the Earth. When they arrived they uttered the first known words spoken by a space alien to humankind, "Can we have our ball back, please?"

I'm On The Engines!

Big news today is that for the first time both Jackie's Jottings and my website Jackie's Place have come up when searched for on the engines. On one search, on Google, my site came up at the top of the list of options. No bad for only a couple of weeks in exsistance, and being small, and in the case of the site not having much on it (so far).
Anyone reading this, go on give a go yourself if you haven't already. The world is only a mouse click away.
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In case you've not read my site, and there is a link futher down these postings, the big news in Fishersgate is that the Community First School has come first in the South East region in an education competition.

"The Vain Prince"

Long, long ago in a land far, far away there lived a prince who was very vain. So vain that he could not pass a mirror or other shiney surface without looking at himself. It would take him hours just to get from his bedroom to the palace throne room, and by then it would be time to start back to his bedroom if he was to get a chance to sleep before morning.
One day the prince decided he must do something, as he was getting nothing done. He ordered that all mirrors be removed, curtains drawn shut when he was in a room so that he could not see himself in the windowglass, that no shiney surface was to be dusted ever again, and that all those who wore spectacles should remove them in the prince's presence.
But trouble followed. The spectacle wearers would have had enough problems without their specs on, but in rooms darkened by drawn curtains in the days before electric light, they stumbled and bumped into things and each other, and said very naughty things about the prince;- but only when the prince was too far away to hear. Because no dusting was being done everytime something was moved clouds of dust flew up into the air and everyone sneezed a lot, as if they all had dreadful colds.
The prince decided that maybe he should try holding court outside in the palace gardens. First the gardeners had to take the fish from the ponds and then empty out the water, so that there would be no reflections. Then the gardeners had to drape black material over the summer house, and the greenhouses, in case the prince walked that way through the vegetable gardens. If it had been raining the palace staff had to shake any droplets of water off of the trees and shrubs, and mop up any puddles.
Still the prince's orders came. No-one could wear shiney buttons, and so the palace guard had to smear mud on their tunic buttons, and then on their boots as these gleamed too. Ladies and gentlemen could not wear jewelary or watches. The list went on and on.
Everyone was getting very fed up with the prince.
And then one day a learned proffesor came to the palace. He had the perfect solution to the prince's vanity. A small piece of glass in a jewel encrusted frame, that the prince could carry with him wherever he went. Now the vain prince did not need to stand and look at his reflection, but could continue to walk about, whilst gazing upon himself. Thus was invented the pocket handmirror.

My Website

I opened a website a few days ago, but for some reason I cannot establish a link from this blog to my website, although I have had no trouble establishing a link from the website to this blog. So lets try again shall we.
www.spanglefish.com/JackiePainter
Wether this will be ok this time we will now see. (Yipee, I've just tried it and it works, folks!)

Sloworms

There is a breeding colony of sloworms in my rear garden, which faces south. The cat from across the carpark, at the bottom of my garden, is fascinated by the little and the large slithering creatures. My cries to him to leave them alone as they are a protected species cut no ice at all. The sloworms were there when I moved in in 1984, and no doubt the colony will be there after I leave and move on.
When I first moved in there were also some common lizards, but I have not seen any for many a year. Likewise the hedgehogs that used to frequent my gardens front and rear, have disappeared. The occasions when I had hedgehog families in my front garden would often lead to a group of people on my garden wall (about two feet high) at dusk, watching the mother and little ones pottering about amongst the shrubbery eating the slugs and whatever else took their interest. One of my cats at the time was Basil, a hyperactive cat if ever there was one. One of those cats that they would say 'needs an experience owner'. Baz would sit in the path of the hedgehogs and remain unmoved (literaly) as the hedgehogs snuffled and pushed at him to get off whatever squishey eatable delight Baz was sitting on at the time.

Misuse Of An Amazing Invention

I have for the first time ever today viewed some of the videos on UTube. Some of them are frankly sick. It was surely not the reason that the information superhighway was designed. Few people realy mind what is called non politicaly correct behaviour, it can even be comical. But what some of the people on sites like that one will use as a stunt that they think in their own limited imaginations will find them some sort of fame, is beyond all that is decent and acceptable. The strange idea that people will police their own behaviour is a myth put about by those who make a profit (without it bothering their conciences) from providing the sick souls with somewhere to besport their images of shame.
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I wonder sometimes how many pages there actualy are on the internet at any one time. It must run into millions of millions. Just think of all the knowledge. It is said that man only uses a fraction of the capacity that is available in the brain, (the stastistic doesn't mention women!! ) But the human brain must be better than any computer ever invented (yet) as we can evaluate information in a way no machine may ever be able to do. I am not sure that I would like computers to be as intelligent as they often are in science fiction, as the possiblity of one getting it's own agenda is not something the world needs. There are more than enough meglomaniacs in humankind without anyone else joining in.